You know what happens when you spend the week in Costa Rica and you don't prepare enough content to post while you are gone...you text your friends who love to write and ask them to guest blog. Maya expressed interest in getting back into writing, so I text her as I was packing. Her blog was sitting in my inbox shortly thereafter. Thanks My! Now let's see what she means what happens when she encounters a Catch 22.
Exhausted…not even the word - mama is tired! Why did I want to grow up and be an adult?! Why didn’t I listen to my mama when I was a teen…and just slow down and enjoy being a kid?! ADULTING SUCKS!!!
I have been “ADULTING” since 19……this is what happens when you have kids. My mind is always racing…do this…did you remember this…damn Iforgot to remind him to do that…grrrrrrrrrr…aaggggh
Funny thing is if my life wasn’t full of sports, dance recitals, dojo practices, kids' parties, play dates and everything that comes with kids…I would not know how to live. After all, my kids are my world.
Let's rewind…I have been a mother since I was 19. So essentially, I have been putting someone else’s needs before mine for almost15 years. AND I look good for almost 34 too baby. There is no more me. There is always a we. What will WE eat? What will WE do for the holidays? Or WE need to go to the store.
There is no more sleeping the day away unless a child is sick. Then you have that inner guilt thanking the Lord for a peaceful and quiet day, but Lord please heal my baby.
Then you get confronted by the siblings because there is no happy medium. You get the I am bored
cries or the I am exhausted cries...when all mommy wants to do is cry! Is mommy allowed to cry too?!
Yesterday, leaving my oldest son’s baseball game, I was talking with parents and getting the kids together. Blah blah blah - you know how it goes when the kids are involved in sports. I didn’t even realize that my 4-year- old, kept walking...without me. Finally, when standing still, I realized it was
too quiet - we all know when a 4 year old is quiet, this is not good. Panic set in and I am looking
around for my baby - not a baby baby, but he is 4 and my baby. My mom panic mode set in resulting in 2 other moms going into panic mode. Finally, I look across the street and my baby is standing across the street waiting on me patiently by the car, like I did something wrong. I wanted to cry! I am so tired and not alert, I didn’t realize that he kept walking...across THE STREET. Now after the anger subsided because he knows NOT to cross streets without an adult and holding their hand, I was kind of proud he in fact crossed the street safely. He was very proud of his independence - he waited for the cars to pass and he crossed the street safely.
Outside of his accomplishment, I felt guilty and ashamed because I totally dropped the ball. AND I felt like everyone at the field was looking at me and judging. I wish I had a turtle neck on, I so would have played like a turtle. What if he would have got hit? Or worse someone would have taken him?
My lack of alertness could have caused me to lose one of my precious joys. Me being Supermom, could have hurt one of my babies. Most moms love the title super mom...they thrive on it. They want to be the mom that is able to make a dress out of two pieces of yarn and a shoestring. Can I just be the mom that doesn’t lose her kid at the ball field? The mom who remembered to put the soy butter in her peanut allergy son’s lunch and not give him regular peanut butter and jelly? The mother that was just able to remember to put deodorant on?
I know a lot of moms feel the same way. You feel inadequate and discouraged if you aren’t able to
make a 4 course meal from scratch on a week day. Or you have 5 loads of laundry to do and you
have been washing the same load of clothes for 4 days because you forget every day to put that
load in the dryer. You totally feel like Jan next door is always judging you because you have the same clothes you had one Monday and Tuesday. Well Jan can kick rocks with flips flops.
Moms please remember to take care of you! Even if it’s for that extra hour of sleep or just 10 mins to catch up on some reading. We are the backbones of our families. We let men think they run shit…but we all know who runs the world! Don’t be like me…so exhausted that you lose your kid at the baseball field. Be a better me! I plan to be a better me…but first let me take this nap!
Holls, thank you for letting me guest write while you are soaking up the sun in paradise. It was truly a fair trade!
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