Today began emotionally charged as I awakened to my father leaving for a cop's funeral in full uniform. It never gets easy seeing him prepare for this and my heart always goes out to the family - I could not fathom going through it and the babies growing up without their daddy. These thoughts make me an emotional mess - always has, always will. I do not think there is any getting around it - as long as my dad is a cop, I will get a since of dread in the pit of my stomach every time a cop is injured, killed, or when my dad doesn't come home at my his expected time because my mind always starts racing with the "what ifs". This is coming from the girl who knows the sound of her father's work car before it even pulls on our cul-de-sac - I hear his engine from around the corner and I always announce his arrival. I am forever grateful that he always comes home to us and the only injury he has suffered in the line of duty was from a car accident.
I guess you figured out my secret: I am a full blown daddy's girl - we still have our dates - we have our tv shows - and I know without a doubt he is forever in my corner. He was always a great example of how a man I chose to partner with should treat me...yet I found myself constantly straying from his example. AND it was during these times he would "teach me a lesson" - and it would definitely piss me off. If I would ask him to assist me with something someone I was dating should have did (i.e. change my tire), he would make me wait to prove this man was not deserving of my time or energy. I was slow to catch on at first, but I must say well played captain.
I think Beyonce sums it up well in her song Daddy, "Words can't express my boundless gratitude for you, I appreciate what you do. You've given me such security...You cure my disappointments and you heal my pain. You understand my fears and you protected me...Even if a man broke my heart today, no matter how much pain I'm in I will be okay. Because I got a man in my life that can't be replaced. For this love is unconditional and won't go away."
Lately, I have been thinking maybe my relationship with my father is intimidating to some men because they feel the pressure to live up to the standard he has set. I am not the type of woman who throws things in other people's face or brags about my blessings. BUT if you know me, it is evident.
One of the many lessons I have learned over the years is if you don't love my family along with me, it's not going to work. I am no longer going to distance myself from either parties or feel like I cannot invite my partner to family functions
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