Stilettos With My Latte: Dive Into 35

Showing posts with label Dive Into 35. Show all posts

Since I always take time off from work during October, I managed to find the time to actually sit still and read. I was quite pleased with the selections that awaited me...

What We Lose by Zinzi Clemmons

Zinzi Clemmons is from Philly, so when I saw this book being discussed on twitter it moved to the top of my list. I breezed through and so many lines gave me pause and I want to add it to our book club queue so I can discuss it all. But that won't stop me from talking about it here. Ha!

In my mind sex and love were inextricably linked...I have never believed this and can easily compartmentalize sex and love in separate boxes.

When I was with him, a piece of me was in place, and I was a whole, acceptable human being to my mother. Just WOW! As women, do we make life decisions in order to please our mother?! I can say in my teens and 20s, most of my decisions always were against what my mother advised. I loved to test the boundaries.

I made myself available to him all the time, and it wasn't long before he'd used me all up, grew bored, decided he needed more...My girlfriends have ALWAYS advised me against this - I used to be available according to when men wanted to see me even if it meant more effort on my part. In my 30s, I am extremely comfortable in saying no and offering other suggestions.

There is a casualness bred from familiarity that makes me at ease around him, that drew me to him in the first place. Does this familiarity also cause many people to hold on to dead end situations?

Domesticity was harder to find in a partner now, because of feminism, and just like a job candidate who can code HTML, it was something that set you above the others. I so want to learn more HTML. Lol! But uhhhh, I can honestly say knowing how to cook, bake, and clean may set you apart, but it does not guarantee you will be in a healthy relationship. So there's that...all this skill and finding yourself overqualified because men are used to subpar or are intimidated by your abilities because you have a career too...oh wait, I am not getting on this rant today.

Needless to say I loved this book!

Grand Opening 2: A Family Busness Novel by Carl Weber

I find myself anxiously waiting for every family business novel to be released. I could not put this book down, and now I just have to get to January 30 for my next fix.

New York, Actually by Sarah Morgan

I am craving a trip to the big city (can you believe I did not get to NYC at all during Libra season?!), I picked this up to tide me over until I can get there. I actually really enjoy Sarah Morgan's From Manhattan With Love book series. It may be on the level of Hallmark Christmas movies and we all know how I feel about those.

In This Moment by Karma Brown

This is only my 2nd book I read from this author. I have yet to be disappointed. And we will end on this one line I quickly scribbled down...how amazing it is that a tree will continue growing right over something standing in its way, burying the past as it does. We should all strive to be like trees, no?! Continuously growing and leaving our past behind us.

For my birthday, Wanesha not only got me a copy of Gabrielle Union's book...she also got it signed! I cannot wait to dive into this one!

Are you finding yourself lost between the covers on this rainy Sunday?

As I was scrolling through Facebook one Sunday, my girlfriend, Ebony, posted a clip of her husband's sermon. I typically bypass videos, but something made me pause and listen to Larry. You see, although Larry & I talk damn near ever day and I consider him one of my closest male friends...I have never heard him preach since he was ordained. I know, I know. I was immediately drawn and knew I wanted it to be a part of my Dive Into 35 series. I was so excited when he agreed with no hesitation - I hope you all enjoy his message as much as I did and it resonates with you. Happy Sunday!

Proverbs 29:18 - "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but happy is he who keeps the law. (NKJV)

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepth the law, happy is he." (KJV)

When most of us think of "vision", it is seeing ourselves in certain places, or with certain people, or having particular things in our possession. Vision can be misconstrued as a “wish list”, but there is a distinction between the two. Biblically, vision is connected to revelation, which reveals something hidden about ourselves. This knowledge feeds to the insecurity of inadequacy that seeps beneath the confident exterior we present to the world around us. For example, I have found a freedom in not knowing everything. It has released me from the devilish quality of having to control my world and the world around me.

It is almost unfathomable we live with ourselves every day, but somehow miss this very important definition of ourselves.

One revelation we should all have is that we are not our Creator. We are not the captain of our own vessel. We have a Creator and He alone has given us a purpose. It is not up for a vote or a debate. God has preordained our purpose before we were even formed in our mother’s womb. So, when God gives vision, it is the illumination of purpose that goes beyond our eyes. This would imply one cannot have vision without the assistance of God. This is good news because all of us face an opponent by the name of Satan, who wishes nothing more but to take away our sense of our purpose.

God will project vision in our lives to reveal to us what he wants us to be. Often times, God will reveal our purpose through our pain. Men who grow up without fathers usually make the decision not to repeat the cycle. Those who grow up poor make sure they can be in a better financial position in adulthood. Those who have been the recipient of lies take pleasure in honesty no matter how much it hurts because the pain of a lie hurts twice as much.

God wastes no experience. If you have experienced it, there is something to be revealed in it. The problem doesn't contribute to perishing. The lack of finding purpose leads to our perishing. Maybe the reason the pain has not subsided is because you haven't seen the purpose of it yet. Say it with me, "There is purpose for my pain"! God is revealing something through the most hurtful times of our lives; if nothing more than showing you how strong you really are. Our “worse” is still not comparable to the better God has for us. You're better than what you are enduring!

Revelation should not be confused with promise. Promise is what you enter into. Revelation is the end result or depiction of who you are. This is important for us to remember while we are traveling this journey called life. God is not just trying to take us places, but transform us along the way. One of the saddest things in life is to see a person whose character does not reflect their position. While we’re trying to reach levels of success that will give us the comforts of life, let us not forget to reflect on who God is in each level we reach. What he wants us to be like is a reflection of himself. That is the very purpose of our creation. He created man in his image and likeness.

Once one has received vision, you must now pay attention to the instructions. Vision is the picture on the front of the box, but the instructions found inside the box bring about how you see what's on the front. Notice the instructions are not what everyone sees passing by. Only those who have a desire to see what is on the front of the box take the time to look at the instructions. Some look at the instructions and put it back on the shelf because they lack the passion to put in the work. Some put it back because they don't have the necessary tools or ingredients to bring it about. Either way, it prevents the product from falling into the wrong hands and becoming something it was never intended to be.

While we complain about not being seen or not having anyone put their hands on us, we should be grateful. Maybe that was preventing us from being put in the wrong hands. God had to take you out of the situation, whether it was a relationship or a job, because it had the potential to make you into something you were not created to be! The law translates to instruction. God gives us steps to follow to point us in the direction to bring about our finished product. God did not create you to be broken-hearted, bitter, or unforgiving. He created you to look, act like, and operate in love, just like him. So, if I am resembling a characteristic God doesn't possess, I stepped outside of his instructions for my life.

The verse finishes with, "happy is he". One who keeps or does what God instructed them to do eventually runs smack dab into happiness. Happiness means blessed in this verse. Following God’s instructions produces blessings, but not in possession. I know because you probably thought like I did; I'm blessed because I have certain things— good marriage, good kids, good job, nice house, nice cars, money in the bank, etc. The blessing here actually means “moving forward”. So, I'm not blessed because of what I possess, but instead in how I progress!

Our lives were designed to go forward. No matter how much we want yesterday back, it will never come. Do not let the devil hold another moment of your life by making you hold yourself hostage to your yesterday. We have all made mistakes and have regrets. We all want to go back to do things over and make better choices. However, we cannot. Take authority over your future because if your past was that bad, you would have died there! The good news is you're still alive.

You're better than whatever you've lived through and are presently going through! You are blessed because, despite the pain, you are progressing right through it. Lay your hands on yourself and prophesy (speak vision) to yourself and say, "I'm better than that"! You're better than depression! You're better than your failure! You're better than that sickness! You're better than that failed relationship and dead-end job! You are better than that!

Grab ahold to your purpose. What is God revealing to you? Pay attention to what he's showing you and listen for his voice. What is he saying to you?

It's only right that I end today's takeover at 10:08 in honor of Holly Day. Still can't believe she let me do this. I mean, she handed over the login and password y'all. And she didn't peek, not once, nor did she ask to see anything before I hit publish. She's so gutsy. Just one of the things I admire about her.

But in all seriousness, there's a lot to admire about Holly. Her friendship is something I've come to rely on and to value. If you all could see the amount of text messages that are sent throughout the day. Work, events, fashion, social media, branding ourselves, conquering our goals, dismantling our fears. You name it, it's in there. And most times this is all before 9 AM!

Before I go, there's one last thank you I owe Holly if you'll bear with me for just one more short story.

I consider myself a budding entrepreneur. This year, in particular, I've seen business opportunities and doors opened to me that I couldn't have seen coming. But apparently, you know who did! I will NEVER forget a text thread we shared where I was telling Holly how nervous I was about some client work that had come my way. It was in February just before my birthday and Holly was encouraging me as she always does, telling me things like, "You got this!" and "You're going to be great!" Then she said something that still gives me chills each time I think about it. She told me that not only was it my time, but that my 35th birthday would mark the beginning of me walking into my purpose.

Now, I'm not one for prophesies and fortune tellers, but don't you know it was on my actual birthday that I had one of the biggest moments of my life as an independent consultant? I couldn't -- and still can't -- believe it!

So, Holly, THANK YOU! That boost of confidence has stuck with me all year long as I really got serious about my consulting business and doing what I've always wanted to do; pursue entrepreneurship.

Thank you for who you are and what you are to me and to others. HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY and may God continue to bless you as you Dive Into 35!

Love always,
Drea

For the past 20 years, I've only known October 8 to mean one thing. Holly's Birthday! Also known as Holly Day! You see, for us, our birthdays are a big deal; month-long events that are deliberate and intentional from start to finish.

When I was invited to be a part of #diveinto35 and to help celebrate this year's milestone with a blog takeover, my first thought was: Wow, she's really going to let me do this? How brave is she?

You see, the thing about Holly and I is that we love do things differently. We have to leave a mark.
(Sidenote: Holly actually bought me a book called Leave Your Mark and it's one of my favorite books ever. So you know it's real.) Another quality we share is that we take friendships very seriously. We take special care not to bestow this label upon any and everyone because the truth is friendships are work! When you do it the right way, you take the time to hold one another up, to encourage, and to cheer for one another. You're there for all of life's milestones -- with bells on and a selfie stick to capture every second of it.

That's what Holly does for me.

Before I continue, I suppose I should introduce myself. Andrea here. Better known as Drea. It's possible that I'm even more well known as the other birthday month extremist (Pssst! February is just four months away!) and/or Holly's frequent travel buddy to NY.

Yes, Holly and I have 20 years of friendship between us. We met in high school and the friendship has withstood the tests of time.

Which brings me to why I'm here today. At first I was going to take over the blog by gathering fun memories and reflections from all of our mutual friends. By Facebook's count, there are 138 of them so there would be no shortage of content, that was for certain.

But then, knowing someone for two whole decades got me thinking. We've really put in some years together. And with years comes pictures....

It's a bit selfish to make this takeover solely about my friendship with Holly, but that's exactly what I intend to do with the pictures I'll be showing throughout the day. Besides, the other thing I love about Holly is that she constantly reminds me of my God-given right to be selfish from time to time.

(I also love her because of the petty moments she grants me when I need to privately vent about people who are publicly stupid, but I digress).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy today's takeover; a trip down memory lane through pictures. We've been friends since those oh-so-fun teenage years when we walked the halls of Dear Old Central High and used those same halls to do a little flirting with cute school boys from time to time. Today we're unapologetically fierce, about our business, and enjoying the women and individuals we've grown up to become. Cheers to Holly as she celebrates 35 years today. Let's #diveinto35.

Our next guest blogger is a surprise...meaning I gasped when I saw the email pop up on my phone. I appreciate her taking the time to contribute to 35 to 35. She has been with me THROUGH IT ALL. She also introduces herself...so let's jump right in. I may have added some commentary along the way.

Hello Stilletos With My Latte readers,

Let me introduce myself. Depending on when your relationship started with Holly, she probably described me as the most loving and coddling mother (infancy to pre-teens), the worst and meanest mother ever (teen - mid twenties), the best mom, friend, confidant, right hand (late twenties - current). I guess you get it now, I am Holly's Momma, as she so affectionately calls me today and I am proud to call her my daughter.

First, let me tell you that she had no idea I was going to write this guest blog. She asked me to do it and I chose to simply not respond to her request. This is my tactic with her when asked to do something I so don't want to do. However, this evening something came over me and I decided I would write this and turn the spotlight on her. Oh...how she is not going to like this! (HIDES)

My relationship with Holly started almost 35 years ago. Really it was 35 years and approximately 8 months ago, as she entered the world 1 month early. The hospital and doctors prepared for the delivery of a pre-mature baby, but she entered the world weighing 6 pounds 12 ounces. All was well. During the pregnancy, I consistently prayed for a baby girl, as I could not fathom having a son at that time, because I had 3 younger brothers. GOD blessed me with my little girl. Needless to say, our mother-daughter bond was immediate. As a young mother, inherently wanting the absolute best for Holly, I attribute her existence as a motivator to the successes I encountered with my career.

Holly was a shy and cheerful baby, a thumb sucker and a daddy's girl. In case you did not know, she is still a daddy's girl. Her daddy can do no wrong. In her early private school years, she excelled in all areas. Upon entering Central High School, she continued to do well, but school also became her social haven and her priorities started to change. This is when Holly started to take a strong interest in boys, often resulting in sneaky and deceitful behavior. You ask what Holly's consequences were for her behavior? She will tell you she was endlessly on punishment. She even goes as far as to say at one point in time I became so tired of punishing her, I announced she was on a permanent punishment. Now, would I do that? (WHY YES, YES SHE DID!!! I could NOT talk on the phone, BUT I could go out. I had to get crafty with making plans.) After graduating from Central's 259th class, she worked her way part-time through college and she graduated from Temple University making me a very proud Momma!

As an adult, Holly is genuinely a loving person and she goes above and beyond to assist others. She is the go to event and party planner and her skills in this area are phenomenal. She is often sought after by her friends and family to help with the planning of an event. She is a stickler to detail and ensures these events are enjoyed by all. Selflessly, she typically has not charged for her services and I continue to remind her that she is providing a service and that her time is valuable. After all, a mother is entitled to her opinion, right?

As the oldest grandchild, she naturally became the cousin that the younger children admired. Even today, she continues to host kiddie events for the younger cousins. They look forward to their annual events and sleepovers. In recent years, Holly has tried to slither away from hosting these get togethers, but they are not allowing this to happen. No way! No how! (AND they now have cell phones, so they contact me directly. There is no where to hide.)

Holly is hands down, the best aunt ever! By the way, I am not the only person that feels this way. Of course Price shares this sentiment, but her actions are observed and witnessed by many. The two of them have a bond like no other. Whether they are in an aunt-nephew discussion or a husband-wife debate, their relationship is remarkable.

I am proud of the woman Holly has become. She finds happiness in pleasing others, shopping, reading, blogging, traveling and trying new restaurants. While my personal relationship with Holly has certainly seen the test of times, the relationship we have today is full of love, understanding and mutual respect! Holly is one of my greatest accomplishments and I would not change our relationship in any way. Holly at times completes my thoughts, this can be eerie and we laugh when it occurs. She is dependable and always willing to lend a helping hand. During family gatherings, she is by my side cooking and she doesn't shy away from the dreaded clean-up duties. When I am stressed, she is there for me offering comforting words or a listening ear. Most recently, as I geared up for major surgery she tirelessly asked me what she could do to help me ensure all pertinent matters were handled prior to the hospital stay and during my recuperation. As she helped me prepare, she remained upbeat while in my presence, although her eyes told a different story. Her love and fear were visible. She ensured me all household duties would be handled and she demanded I let go and trust all would be well. During my recovery, Holly has kept me honest and was steadfast in guaranteeing I was following the doctor's orders and not over doing it.

As you embark upon the 35th anniversary of your birth Holly, I desire many things for you. Foremost, always remember to put GOD first and everything else will align itself accordingly. Remain the kind and giving person you are, but I caution you to establish boundaries. Live a purposeful live, by continuing to seek the things that make you happy. May GOD continue to bless you abundantly and shower you with HIS grace. I wish you continued success and happiness, as you explore your new job opportunity. May your career continue to blossom. May you keep those in your immediate circle of family and friends honest and learn to say "NO" when needed. Trust me, it is OK! I look forward to our continued mother - daughter getaways and our annual shopping event. Last but not least, if it is in GOD's plan, may you find your soul mate who will fulfill your dreams. Remember we are responsible for our own happiness.

Love you Holly Dawne! Happy 35th Birthday! (Thanks mom, LOVE YOU TOO! Xoxo)

Mommy

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