Ahhhh...remember I mentioned a few weeks ago getting a palm reading by Monica...well, let's rewind back a bit further...
With No Hands Pandora radio playing in the car, I was looking for parking in Manayunk on a Friday night. I had to have an ice-cream cone before summer ended...and also it would help me focus on planning content for 35 to 35. As I was circling, Amber spotted a sign for a palm reading special and said, let's do it. I said ok and then asked do I pray first - like what are they going to say...I KNOW this is wrong.
I found parking, and we walked there diverting away from my cone. Upon entering, Monica was so welcoming. I felt like she was already my friend. Amber decided I was going first...again, I said ok and pulled out my debit card. Monica quickly said cash only - I replied, oh...I guess we cannot do it, I have no cash. GUESS WHO HAD CASH?! Amber replied, I got it as Monica told me to have a seat and get comfortable as she held my hand. Her hands were soft. She then told me to take a deep breath, make a wish internally, and when I was done to state my full name. Ok, now we were getting intimate...and I was nervous, but I went with it...and she began to read my entire life.
So what did Monica say exactly?! Well, I will have no issues in finding success in my career, I have a great business mind and the money will always come. I have a yearning to find love, but I am scared of trusting & committing due to past hurts. I have no problem with attracting men, many men want me...but due to my fear of being hurt, I attract the wrong men...men who mean me no good. And I need to gain clairty. Ummmm Monica...do you think you know my life?! WHO ARE YOU?!
But let's dive into this a bit...I've been told a time or two I have commitment issues...after all, I broke up with my last boyfriend in 2008 AND never felt the urge to commit myself to any man after. I feel like you have to earn my trust instead of me just giving it to you upfront. You know...guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
I also do not like wasting my time...and if I know in my gut, I don't want anything meaningful with you - I am not going to make myself available. I may respond to texts or answer the phone sparingly, but as far as being in my presence...I would rather read a book, watch tv, or hang with my family and friends where genuine interactions always happen.
1. First boyfriend lied about his age...told me he was 19...he was actually 21
2. My boyfriend senior year of high school put our relationship on pause because my "close friend" told him I was dating someone else...which was a lie...she just wanted to sleep with him...AND SHE DID...thank God, I did NOT
3. My college boyfriend...uhhhh...well how about he told me over AIM (a moment of silence for AIM) in my 8am journalism class he had another girlfriend at his school...right after I was forced to make a choice as a result of our irresponsible actions...
4. Oh! And Hurricane Nate...I really liked him...however, his line of work did not align with my household since my father is a police officer...I could never invite him to family functions...so yeah...couldn't hold on to him...
5. Then there was this other guy...who I digged for a bit...yet...due to his religion, he wasn't available Fridays sun down until Saturday sun down...AND he felt I should not wear jeans because women only wore dresses & skirts...ummmm yeah no...I wear what I want, when I want. Please exit stage right.
6. Let's not forget the Leo...my only live in...that relationship was a doozy...outside of daily sex, not sure how he was beneficial to my life. Of course he failed with consistently helping to cook or clean...yet felt he should have unlimited access to my car without filling up a gas tank or assisting with car maintenance. The start of many fights...me saying NO! But he was a pro at verbal abuse when he was drunk or going through a bi-polar episode...I never understood how a man could be so jealous of a woman's upbringing or career...just do better, no?! Oh! And he did not know how to tie a tie.
7. Once I extricated myself from the Leo, I stumbled upon an aesthetically challenged Libra. Kept him around for about 3 years because we went to all the movies, he bought me nice things, and we went out to eat when I felt like it. I figured since he was ugly, he would treat me right to keep me around. YET he lied the first night I met him...he told me he had no kids, and when I finally went to his house there were toys everywhere. Ummmm...on top of him disappearing on holidays because he was having "family time"...I never took him seriously either. *whispers* I had to tie his tie, too!
8. Should I also mention all the married men (or those in relationships) who constantly try to get play??? Excuse me sir, please go home to your wife and get out of my face. I do not want you and YES, I see that ring on your finger.
9. And what about the men who want to ask will you cook for them as soon as you meet??? No mention of a date - just do you cook? When are you cooking for me? Do I look like I want to play house and take care of you??? You need to earn a meal around here.
10. No need to even revisit the social media nightmare, right?! OR the sense of entitlement and the constant request for pictures??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE PICTURES??? Browse my social media until I deem you worthy of an in the moment shot of me on the go. In the meantime, my friends and mom will continue to get bombarded with selfies and video.
*EXHALE* That was a mouthful.
Please don't mistake me being cautious as also being closed off. I definitely have an open heart and I am willing to become vulnerable...with those who earn it.
*sings* Come harder this won't be easy.
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