Expose Yourself???

Open. Raw. Revealing. Unguarded. Susceptible to attack.

All of these things run through my mind when I think about allowing myself to become vulnerable and free.

Life's experiences causes one to become cautious. You want to prevent yourself from experiencing hurt at all costs. Yet is pain a part of growth? Is protecting yourself more work than just being transparent?

Is forgiveness tied to vulnerability? If you forgive someone who blatantly disrespected you or used you, yet allow them to remain in your space - is this considered vulnerable or stupid? If someone has a dependency, should you be more tolerable of their transgressions? Since forgiveness is more for you than the other person, is it easier to just let that person go OR continue the relationship with explicit boundaries? What happens when this person is family or one of your closest friends? Is it true those closest to you cut you deeper since they have an inside look at your weaknesses?

Transparency and vulnerability seem to go hand in hand...is this why I wait several days before expressing how I feel when faced with conflict? I once believed it was a way to control my rage, but now as I sit here and type, I am thinking it may be moreso due to the fact that expressing my feelings reveal I actually care??? And this revelation exposes my authenicticty?

Peeling back all these layers is exhausting...so I am going to bed, but this will be continued next week when I fill you all in on when Monica read my palm...we will delve into gaining clarity on my trust & commitment issues...all of these things HAVE to be intertwined, no?!