Ok...rumor had it that a) we never had a male guest blog AND b) I should start talking about sex. Whelp, you are in for a treat today. I was so excited when Brian immediately agreed to contribute to 35 to 35. He didn't ask questions until later. B Dub is my co-worker who likes to give it to me straight, no chaser and finds some sort of pleasure when telling me I am being ridiculous. Although he makes me want to punch him at times, I appreciate the talks while we walk. Thanks Brian for stopping by and stirring up some controversy - do you know how hard it was to not insert editor's notes throughout the content?! Shall we dive in?
In my reflection of 36 years on this earth, here are some things I hold to be truths. I was going to touch on a variety of subjects, but I figured why not just focus on my favorite subject: SEX!!! SEX is vital to your relationship, vital to life. If you think it's not, you're probably not having any right now.
So let's start by answering an age old riddle, "Do all guys just want sex? I've had numerous conversations with women frustrated by this sentiment. And you know what my reply is, "YES. GET OVER IT!".
You see when you first meet someone, they don't know you. They can't judge your intelligence, your morals, if you are family oriented, if you are marriage material, or any other of the characteristics important for a long term relationship. The only thing one can judge is their physical attraction to said female and what you do to his "little man". You know...would they smash or naw. So technically, most initial encounters are purely physical. Sorry to disappoint you, your relationship started off as just a physical thing. Now I agree for a relationship to work it must progress into other areas, but can we as adults stop lying to each other saying that sex (or sexual chemistry) is not paramount in romantic encounters.
Now, ladies if you find yourself consistently in"cut buddy" territory and that is not where you want to be (kudos to my ladies who are free and embrace their sexual beast) stop blaming men. It's more your fault since the common denominator is you. Not all men are the same, just as not all women are the same. If you are having the same issue, it is due to 1 or 2 reasons. You are going after the same type of guy that isn't conducive to your long term goals, or you don't have other qualities that make men want to progress beyond a physical relationship. Either way you are in control (and yes this does apply to men too blah blah blah). So change you and you shall see a change in your situation.
Next, stop letting others define your sex life. Patrice O'neal once said in a stand-up set, and I'm paraphrasing, that shit you say ewwww to, DO THAT!!! Now if you genuiely have a disdain for an act, don't compromise yourself for anyone. But, if you find yourself fantasizing or have a geniune interest in doing something, don't let what society says your sex life or relationship should be keep you from getting your pleasure. We are on this earth a short time. I personally will be damned if I don't try to enjoy life as much as possible.
And have you had an orgasm? That shit is amazing. It's like when you put bacon on something. Chicken is good, but wrap it in bacon and it's better. Getting a raise at work is good, but going home and celebrating with a nut is so much better. Why would anyone want to sacrafice those precious moments for people who don't matter??? Get tied up, explore with sex toys, BDSM, getting flogged, electro therapy, swings, harnesses, plugs, hell...other people if you want. Just be safe and have fun. Seriously, why do we care what goes in a stranger's vagina or where a stranger sticks his meat. As long as it is legal and concensual, do you son!
Speaking of strangers, ladies why is it that you are more open and free with men you have no interest in beyond a physical relationship. BUT will act reserved and frankly boring with a man you see a future with? Honestly, you are setting yourself up for failure. One you're holding back a part of you from someone you care about. And not only is that unfair to him, but it is
unfair to you. Suppressing who you are is not healthy. Not to mention, he is probably going to cheat on you for being boring. I don't care how good you think your sex is, it will get boring. I know, not you, you got that "bomb ish". YES, YOU - BORING!!! Even lobster and steak starts to look like oddles and noodles when you have it everyday. So if you're not open to continue to work and spice things up, kill yourself (no not literally)!!!
And the final lesson is STOP USING SEX AS MEANS TO GET YOUR WAY. Now I'm not saying that if you aren't in a good space you should be required to have sex just because you are in relationship. I'm saying using sex as a means to control a situation and get what you want is selfish. You are asking for your partner to go out and cheat. Using sex as a means of control never works out in the long run. It demeans your relationship and it demeans you. Sex is not something you do FOR US. It is something we experience and explore together for both of our pleasure. And honestly, that behavior puts you in the same class as a prostitiute...actually, less than a prostitute because at least they are honest about their business transactions. AND we don't have to listen to their shit. So in the end your partner will start to see you as such...you will become a commodity easily satiated by things, and what actually occurs is you are no longer viewed as a partner. You will quickly lose any control or say in the relationship, and really at that point the relationship is on the clock.
Now hopefully, I didn't offend anyone too much, but if I did stop being so sensitive and go get some. Contrary to what your mother will tell you, sex is an essential part of your life. It is one of the top reasons for divorce, and relationship dissatisfaction in general. Sex is life, literally and figuratively. It feels amazing; it is good for your skin; it is great for both your heart & your attitude; it is a stress reliever; and did I mention IT FEELS AMAZING.
So why do we suppress our sexual desires. Indulge your passions, own your sex life, and don't be afraid to ask for what you want.
Good people I thoroughly enjoyed myself here. Be safe, be free, and here's to a life of great sex, and phat checks.
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