The One Who Got Away?

Not a week goes by when I do not hear from someone how I should have never let CDB go - yes, we will go by his initials in this blog. No need to reveal his identity.

The more frequent this statement is made to me makes me begin to ponder - is HE the one who got away?!

Let's rewind and give you a tad bit of background - when I met him I was going through a BAD break up.

Man oh man was I going through it - I was in my junior year of college, working, had an internship, and refused to let HIM rain on my parade - so the best way to get over one man, is to find another one, right?! Or so I thought...

CDB knew I was fresh out of a relationship and he refused to be a rebound. Another issue was our age gap - I was still in college 20, 21 and he had graduated a few years ago - he was around 27 if I remember correctly (don't quote me on this). The more he kept me at arm's length, the more intrigued I was - you know how that goes. SMH at myself. After months of us knowing each other and being friends, we decided to have a go at a relationship. I can honestly say we had a good time with each other at first...we did whatever I wanted to do sprinkled in with some of his requests, but after awhile I became bored. Bored with the relationship - and everything just started to become mundane (yet my family and friends loved him). I could predict what we were going to do - every weekend there was a movie he wanted to see and we would go eat at Friday's. He loved that place. And of course I would want to go shopping - he never cared - as long as we were together, he was content. And I should have been perfectly fine with this arrangement, right?! WRONG!

As soon as I heard through the grapevine he was shopping for an engagement ring after dating for about 2.5 years, I started planning an escape route. Most women would be excited, but there was ONE issue I could not look pass. He was such a good guy, treated me extremely well - yet I do not think of him as the one that got away. Yes, if I would have stayed with him I guarantee I would be married with a few kids by now, maybe I would have learned to be happy with my life - but is that the way to live?! I honestly think we would have been better off remaining friends. He was right - we should have not taken it past the friendship level and no it was not fair of me to want the relationship because honestly, he did end up being my rebound. I could not deal with the break up of my "perfect" relationship and I needed a replacement quickly. For that I am truly sorry, however, I hope that by me letting him go he was able to find the woman and the love he deserved. I wish him nothing but the best and I know it was hard for him at the time - but I was not the best woman for him.

So for those who want to constantly tell me I should have stayed with CDB, I hear you BUT I vehemently disagree. I was not in a place of my life where I was willing to offer him what he wanted and he should not have had to suffer and I should not have had to settle. Walking away was hard because I was comfortable - but it was the best decision...for the both of us.