Five

I am very hesitant on committing myself to a man - I know, I know - kind of contradictory to my previous post on dating. I do not like feeling obligated to do anything - although I start feeling bad for the men I am in a relationship with or even just dating and always want to HELP them - yes, I think this is my main issue - I take on projects, despite of the fact I know it will not go anywhere - my guilt plagues me and I begin to feel bad thinking I am leaving them knowing they have come to depend on me - a nurturer, you may call it - but I have realized that is not my issue and you should let a man be a man and handle his own business.

Throughout the years, I have only claimed 5 men as my own...there has been a series of ups and downs - laughter and tears - and I know my family, friends, and music pulled me through and made me stronger. *Side note - am I the only one who has a song for every relationship?!*

Here are some of the lessons learned...

Number 1 - I was a freshman in high school and went to the movies when I met my first boyfriend (someone who I believed to be 5 years my senior - I later found out this was a lie, he was 7 years older than me - YIKES). It was fun seeing all the movies for free with my friends while he worked - but something was unsettling - I couldn't understand how a 21 year old man still lived with his mother and did not drive (yes I was shallow at the tender age of 14) - especially when I was meeting other guys younger than him who did drive. I also did not see any ambition in him - he was content with where he was in life. It also bothered me that he lied to me about his age when we met. So when I entered sophomore year, I decided he wasn't going any further with me on my journey and I broke up with him. Neither one of us had hard feelings. I played Dru Hill's first album a lot during this break up - I felt like I was supposed to be sad, but I really wasn't - yet I loved the cd so it was in constant rotation. *shrugs*

Lesson Learned: Just because a man is older does not mean he will meet all of your expectations and not disappoint you.

Number 2 - I did not get into a relationship again until my senior year of high school. Not even sure how this came about, but it did and I convinced myself he was the one. He said all the right things I wanted to hear - what more could I ask for, right?! How about acting on what you say out of your mouth?! The thing with this relationship is we were friends since 8th grade, so I just knew everything would be fine and if it ended, it would end on a good note since we were both going off to college in the fall. Boy was I wrong. My first mistake was going against my own rule - dating someone who went to school WITH me. My second mistake was thinking this girl was a friend of mine - we were fine until she decided she wanted my boyfriend and went after him at all costs possible. How embarrassing was it to go to school after everything transpired?! All I remember is laying in Amber's bed - her forcing me to eat Wendy's chicken nuggets - and then when I was home, I would lay on my floor and just listen to Maxwell's This Woman's Worth, Aaliyah's The One I Gave My Heart To, and Mya's If You Died I Wouldn't Cry Cause You Never Loved Me Anyway over and over and over again. Funny how my brother and father still joke about This Woman's Worth til this day. It has been coined my song and even funnier is the realization this song is about a woman giving birth!

Lessons Learned: Do not trust people so easily and everything is not for everybody - people will use what you tell them against you. Communication is key - if you do not immediately address your issues with your partner in an adult manner, then they will build up and have a snowball effect.

Number 3 - I was introduced to number 3 by a close friend at the time - and everything seemed perfect. Hey! I was a freshman in college and I already had me a Kappa man. Between working, school, and seeing him - I was totally content...or so I thought. Alicia Keys became the soundtrack of our 3 year relationship. We started with Jane Doe, followed by Fallin', then on to A Woman's Worth. We ended with How Come You Don't Call Me and then Goodbye. I will never forget sitting in my journalism class and the im I received from him which was my final straw and I am sure Tiffany will never forget my drive home that day from class - but even more awkward...how about finding out just last weekend he is now dating my father's best friend's step daughter and she comes to me for dating advice! Now Jeannette told me what I am not allowed to say, but has yet to tell me what I can say because it seems some leopards never change their spots.

Lesson Learned: When someone reveals to you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

Number 4 - I was willing to do anything to get over the heartache caused by number 3 and this meant dating number 4. We didn't commit to each other for awhile because he did not want to become a rebound. (More on our story here.) The fact of the matter is I was intrigued because he was not quick to commit to me - yet over 3 years I became bored. I was living in a fantasy willing to settle for someone who loved me and I did not love them back just because I knew he would always treat me right and I was in a rush. I had graduated college and according to my time schedule, I needed to find a husband and have some babies by the time I turned 25. Not cool - it was hard to step out of my comfort zone, but I had to let him go so he could be happy. He deserved it. At the end, Destiny Child's Lose My Breath remains true.

Lessons Learned: Do not deny myself the pleasure of loving someone back. Also, things in life do not happen according to our time table - and that is perfectly ok. That does not mean we have failed. Everything will happen in God's time.

Number 5 - This relationship was a real doozey from the start. He was not someone I would find myself physically attracted to (not to mention the fact he smoked weed and was a heavy drinker) - and to be honest, I thought he was corny when I met him. It wasn't until we developed a friendship for over 7 months that I became attracted to him. What a mistake! We were better off remaining just friends. However, it was in this relationship I fully developed into a woman - I stepped outside of my comfort zone of living with my parents and them running the household, and I became the head of household. I facilitated what needed to get done, cooked, cleaned, baked, all the while working a full time job and sometimes tending to his son (yes, I broke another one of my rules - never date a man with a child). The good times were great - Tamia's Last First Kiss resonates but as time went on Tamia's Me played even louder. The main issue in this relationship is he felt threatened by me and my success since he was not happy where he was in his life. He would begin to verbally lash out to try to make me feel smaller about my accomplishments or my upbringing but I saw this as jealousy. I cannot believe I stayed in this relationship so long - almost 3 years. What a waste of my time - he revealed his true colors early on in the relationship, but I a) I didn't want to be alone - can you believe I even called number 4 to say "hi" from a blocked number, he told me we would call me back, and never did b)did not believe him c) decided to take on another project and d) wanted to prove my mom wrong and show her the relationship could in fact work.*cues Keyshia Cole's I Remember followed by I Should Have Cheated then Beyonce's Ring the Alarm, Destiny's Child's Bad Habit and Beyonce's Irreplaceable*

Lessons Learned: Never let anyone take you out of your character because in the end you are only hurting yourself. Don't be afraid to put your pride aside and admit you were wrong (and your mom was right). If you are not comfortable bringing someone around your family, then they are not the person for you. Never tolerate disrespect on any level - if they do it one time, they will definitely do it again.

After this last relationship, I have only dated one man - another filler to keep me occupied for over 2 years - (no need to go into that story because he was totally irrelevant to my story since I always thought he was a joke).

The fact of the matter is I have now been single for over 3 years. I always was under the impression I needed to jump from relationship to relationship because I was scared of being alone. However, this time where I have been dating myself has been instrumental to my own progression. I have learned a lot about myself and it is easier to focus on what I need to improve, my own needs and desires without the distraction of someone else's. I wish I would have been comfortable earlier in life to take this hiatus from dating, but better late than never, right?!. With all of my lessons learned tucked away, I am completely confident in my next relationship, I welcome 2012 - this will be a time of meeting new people. I am definitely single and ready to mingle!

Until I find my happily ever after, here's my superman <3