Am I Good Enough?

Am I Pretty Enough? Will They Like Me? These are thoughts that plague many of us when we are pursuing new avenues in life. Never would we think Whitney Houston would think these exact things when going out for the role in The Bodyguard. This revelation divulged by Kevin Costner made her that much more likable - to have a humble spirit is so pleasing to others you encounter and your audience. 

Saturday was emotionally heavy for me - initially I had no intentions on watching Whitney Houston's home going service. I hate funerals - I only go if it is an absolute necessity - there is just something with the finality of death I hate dealing with - I know no one likes it, but as I sit in funerals with dead bodies, I just feel weird. And walking past the body totally freaks me out and I have never touched a dead person before - I honestly do not think I would be able to sleep for months if I ever did...maybe I fear dead people. Whatever the case, I try to avoid funerals at all costs...although if a Philadelphia police officer dies, I sit and watch those funerals as I am crying the entire time in respect for my father's occupation and whenever this happens I begin to fear my father's job as well - because it only takes one unlucky bullet...

When I got up Saturday, I decided yes, I was going to watch Whitney's service. It was so random and unexpected - I shocked myself (although I climbed in bed to watch it just in case I decided to have a good cry in the midst). The tributes were phenomenal - everyone spoke so highly of her - my favorites were Tyler Perry and Kevin Costner - I really sensed a love Kevin Costner had for her through his words - as for the musical selections, I will always love the Winans - they can do nothing wrong in my eyes - between Bebe, Cece, and the family tribute dictated by Marvin - I was in musical heaven. I liked Kim Burrell's rendition of A Change is Going to Come, even though I was disappointed she did not sing Whitney's fave song (and mine too from The Preacher's Kid soundtrack) I Believe In You and Me. I loved the raw emotion in Alicia Keys song - Whitney was truly loved and this was a service fit for a queen. 

I made it through the ENTIRE funeral...no tears...just choked up a few times - and then it was time for the end - Whitney's voice starts singing I Will Always Love You - they hoisted her golden casket on their shoulders - and began the processional out - the emotions displayed by Cissy (Read Cissy's open letter to her daughter which was in the obituary is here.) and Ray J - I admired how Bobbi Kristina appeared composed despite what she was going through (I could not even fathom losing my own mother, Whitney is younger than her. This is just another realization life is too short and we must cherish every moment because no one knows what God has in store for us) - yet I started crying for everything they lost. Everything now seemed final - her death was surreal to me all week. I was in utter shock. This was now actually the end. 

And as a part of my final tribute to this iconic voice and woman of such a giving spirit, I am still listening to her music heavily and watching The Bodyguard when it comes on. Right now I cannot seem to get enough of her voice and lyrics, so this is how I choose to mourn.