Guest Blogger: 16 Things MY Marriage Taught Me

I loved the Sip on This hashtag for my blogiversary so much, I decided to start a blog series with the title. This series will delve into my opinion on current events and things going on in my life. You can also submit questions pertaining to anything I feature on the blog to stilettoswithmylatte@gmail.com and I will answer them here too. We are featuring a guest blogger to kick this thing off. I couldn't think of a more perfect first post when it was delivered to my inbox. So pour your drink and get ready to sip. 

I have been married for over 8 years and it is time for me to be honest with myself...at times I regret it. Not sure if the regret is who I chose to marry or the fact that I decided to get married at all - this is still TBD.

Nonetheless, as with every situation I find myself in, I try to reflect on the lessons I have learned. So here goes nothing...

1. There will be days that I don't like him (and that's ok), but the love I have for him will never cease. It is UNCONDITIONAL! ♥️ 
2. Sometimes you just have to go to bed mad  (but we didn't promise each other we wouldn't, so it seems I'm covered )
3. Accept that my marriage is NOT like everyone else's relationship. (This is a hard one for me because I want the happy ending, the PDA, the love, the admiration, the support, the acceptance, the just because gestures. And it's not because I don't deserve it because I ABSOLUTELY DO. It's because he is just NOT THAT GUY...anymore ). 
4. I love when he grabs my ass (I mean that is what it's there for, right??? OR do I not like my ass?) 
5. Sometimes marriage changes things (idk why, it just does). Maybe it's the title of spouse, or the expectation of the roles and responsibilities - either way, in my case it has definitely changed things between us. 
6. Intimacy is either a thing of the past or it never existed (can't say for certain, but I know it's not there now ).
7. Keep my vibrator close!  I never know when I might need a reliable friend for those moments when I don't want him to touch me (shit, he only touches me when HE is feeling horny, but lucky me I never have to worry about that issue because I keep a battery stash).
8. Crying is inevitable .  I cry because I am happy, mad, sad, alone, frustrated, unappreciated, etc. But crying in front of him is unacceptable and can be seen as a moment of weakness. So I take my moment and shed my tears in private and it's ok.
9. To cheat or not to cheat...I'm just going to leave this here. 
10. Define cheating (this should have been determined in the super beginning stages for us, however, this is still a gray area).
11. It's extremely difficult to recover from a division once it's already there. Trust is hard to get back once it's lost - not impossible, just extremely difficult. It takes a lot of hard work and persistence, but together anything is possible.
12. No pictures please!!! ❌ This means it never happened - got it! I don't understand it, but hey, it's HIS rule sooo you would have to ask him (only our wedding album exists). 
13. No social media interactions (I don't even know if he knows my handles and TBH I don't think he cares. This is his rule, at least he is single on IG right?) 
14. Date Nights are not needed (well a date night requires us to spend time with each other soooo that is a definite 🛑NEGATIVE🛑  - being married means we eliminated dating, in HIS eyes).
15. Limit conversation to the necessities (kids, bills, family maybe) - veering off topic may cause conflict. 
16. Saying "I'm sorry" is needed at times, but sometimes it's not enough.

And finally, here are 7 things I wish I could change:
A. Make him love me just as much as I love him
B. Make him understand how his actions and words (or lack thereof) are hurtful to me. It's important to me to have intimacy, affection, admiration, and appreciation. Every woman wants to be desired AND appreciated. 
C. Sometimes we can play by my rules. Currently, his seem to run the marriage. 
D. Sometimes I just want to be held, told I'm pretty, that he likes my hair...a compliment every now and then could help my self-esteem (even if he is lying).
E. More sex...
F. Function as a team instead of as individuals - living separate lives seems to be way it is (he has no desire to be integrated into my life as I do with his)
G. Sometimes before you act think "How would this make me, YOUR WIFE, feel" instead of "FUCK IT, I do what I want" 
H. I want to be his Queen , his #WCE, his rib, his breath, his favorite hello, his hardest goodbye, his bff, his life partner, the Bonnie to his Clyde, his Gina to his Martin, and I want EVERYONE else to know it too.  (I know it's petty, but without this validation, I begin to question my worth to him and I begin to question if I'm good enough).
*Disclaimer: This was sent to the husband a week before I hit publish. He has yet to respond.*